The Whole Long Road
by eishi
Summary: Even if it's a fate they cannot escape, it takes time to accept it. Finding your soulmate is not that easy when he has always been by your side. Style.


**A/N:** In a furious attempt to take a different view on Stan and Kyle's relationship, I came up with this. Well, it seemed like a good idea at that time. Take a peek if you dare. Grammatical corrections and comments about characters' behaviour would be much appreciated... please? Thanks for reading in advance!

**Pairing:** a very pure Style (Stan/Kyle)

**Disclaimer: **South Park is not mine, although I'd like to own certain characters to make them come back to life. Snif.

* * *

_**The Whole Long Road**_

_by eishi (2008)_

* * *

It starts with the inability to trust, because you fear every second he shares with you and looks at you with those piercing eyes. You think he's going to betray you, that he is not trustworthy at all. It is better to ignore him, let him talk and nod all the while. You're not going to let him close. Let him talk. Let him pretend to be nice. Let him reveal what he really is. 

The second phase begins when you come to the conclusion that he might be for real. Maybe he's not going to mock you for your hair and your freckles at all. Maybe he's not going to pretend to be interested in your different family life and then change his mind and call you "a greedy Jew". Maybe he's not going to steal your favourite toy and destroy it and lie to the kindergarten teacher that it was you who did it. Maybe he really wants to be your friend.

The next stage is when you do not push his hand away when he tries to comfort you. You accept the way he smiles at you and you are able to return his hugs, and you start to be thankful that he entered your life. You finally decide that you actually like having him as a friend, and the way he comes every night after six p.m. to your door and knocks and politely asks your mother "can Kyle come out and play?" does not irritate you, since now you know that he is earnest when he does it and really wants your company.

As the years start to speed up and you grow a little and he is the only one who steadily stays at your side and doesn't turn against you – not even once –, you become really grateful that he is there and tell him that. He smiles at you and tells that he, too, is grateful that you are there, and you feel really happy. You now have other friends, but none of them comes to ask "can Kyle come out and play?" in that ridiculously childish voice after seven p.m., because they all fear your mother. You are proud that he isn't afraid of her.

The next step is when you are so relaxed with him that you hug him voluntarily when you want and pat his back when you are proud of him. You know he likes it, and returns the favours right back. You confess the first time something that he has now said many times, since you finally think you are ready admit it.

"Stan..."

"What?"

"Thanks for being my best friend."

He giggles at you. "You're welcome. You're my best friend too."

Your smile widens and you have to restrain yourself to not hug him, because you have never felt so happy before. Such a simple truth, and yet it brings you such joy you have never imagined. He is Stan Marsh, and from now on, he is your whole world.

* * *

_It starts._

* * *

Sometimes you think that maybe Stan is too good for you – he has a _bit_ too good impact on you. You have become very trusting and friendly to people once again, and it takes years to change yourself so that your 'trust' doesn't have the ring of "being naïve" and 'friendly' the ring of "easy to take advantage of". For example, your friend Eric Cartman is no person to be considered as a friend, but you do so anyway. It takes a long time before you learn that there is nothing honest about Cartman, and that you should never trust him – you almost lose your life in the schemes Cartman makes, and too many times you help him doing something completely against your morals just because you've been lied to. Even after you come to the realisation, you let him manipulate you: simply because you are bored in the quiet mountain town you live in, and Eric Cartman _always_ manages to turn things interesting with his peculiar mindset. 

Sometimes you even manipulate Cartman to do something reckless that at the same time amuses, angers and makes you wonder the boy's stupidity to no end. It's so easy to turn Cartman into a monster from his bratty little shell, and you can do it almost too easily: just few words, thrown carelessly, almost uncaringly, can make him smile in that wicked way that you now recognize as the sign of nothing but trouble. Sometimes you wonder just how smart Cartman really is. Sometimes you wonder just why you put up with him after being disappointed in him every single time. Sometimes you just wonder who, in the end, is the one manipulating and the one manipulated – and does it even make a difference.

Kenny McCormick is also your friend, but unlike Cartman, he actually is loyal and sensitive enough to be considered as a friend. But Kenny can never be as good as Stan, because he is a bit too sneaky, too silent and too smart for his own good. He can make anyone awkward with his trademark behaviour: standing next to a bigger party without a word, and then, suddenly, after an hour of silence, commenting something about the things you've told to another person with such accuracy and insightfulness that it scares you. Kenny is a bit too empathic and too blunt with his words, and it really frightens you sometimes. You silently wonder if he has finally caved in and made a pact with Satan and as a result developed an ability to read people's minds, since sometimes he looks you with those coldly blue eyes in a way that makes you nervous – like he could see right through you, and not in a nice and warm way like Stan does.

Maybe it's because Kenny wants to get away from his own life so badly that he'd rather watch someone else's life from afar than deal with his own. Maybe it's because Kenny wants to be your friend really bad but he can't, because he knows that he can never be Stan. Maybe it's because Kenny is just Kenny and always "just Kenny, the kid who dies all the time" that you start to pity him and let him in. Maybe it's because all of this and maybe not, but either way, you let him closer than you have ever let anyone since Stan, and you are surprised to notice that you do not regret your decision one tiny bit.

* * *

_It evolves._

* * *

Your friendship with him stays on the same level for a long time – in your mind, anyway, since a year is an eternity in an eight-year-old boy's mind. You do everything together with him, and you end up in crazy adventures with him and your other friends, and he even saves your life a couple of times and you his, and you feel like it always should've been this way and should be this way forever. Then a different adventure crosses your path: the mysterious world of girls. 

When he takes a liking to one of the girls on your class and is desperately trying to figure out how to impress her, you feel confused and left behind. You don't understand what is so fancy about kissing her and making sweet love to her. Aren't you good enough for him, just like the way he is perfectly good enough for you?

You also wonder if you could be better at making sweet love, since even after the many times of Chef's attempts to explain the odd world of "love", you don't exactly know what is this "sweet love" and how come it is tearing you away from Stan. You only understand that it must be something important to Stan and not directed at you, and just because it is important to Stan, it has to be important to you too. You help him all you can and help him up when he stumbles in his lame attempts at impress his girl, but you can't help but wonder if it really is worth it, since Stan is never going notice that you have no clue what he is babbling about the wonderfulness of girls and kissing and stuff.

Once, you think you can understand him a bit. Only once you let your guard down and notice that there indeed is one girl that catches your attention. It's wonderful how she is so smart and educated and can relate to your drive to study so much (something your friends never learn to appreciate or even tolerate) and you think that you now understand what Stan feels whenever he sees Wendy. You want to impress her and you want to show her that you're willing to be close to her, but in the end, it all falls apart and you're not even sad one bit. After all, there are other people out there that must be like you, desperate to learn and study and seek out the truth of the world. There must be plenty of other people like you.

* * *

_It stays._

* * *

The next level is far away, but when it comes, you think that it didn't come fast enough. You avoid touching him and he avoids touching you, because you are now twelve and touching another boy apparently makes you gay – which you really don't want to be, since it's "totally not cool". But it's all right, because you can still look at his mesmerizing eyes and nod – and he understands you and nods back, and no stupid hugs are needed. 

The stage of avoidance finally ends when you are sixteen, and once again you think that it didn't come fast enough. Still, you don't feel the need to touch him every second (unlike everyone else obviously thinks), but on the other hand, you are at ease when you want to. You return to the stage of comforting touches and learn how to hug again without looking too gay, and you can tell that he, too, is relieved that you're allowed to touch again by social norms.

You stay in that stage for a long time, thinking that you have no permission to go any further. You forbid yourself to think about what it would be like to be in the place of his constantly changing girlfriend Wendy-Red-Heidi-Wendy-Henrietta-Wendy-Red, but then you realise that you've already done what you weren't supposed to do. Each time his girlfriend changes, he comes to you and wants a hug from you, which you deliver with pleasure, and tells how lucky he is to have such a great friend as you. You shiver when looks at you with those mysterious eyes and with that odd look, and you just nod and tell him that you're happy to have him there.

He often marvels how come you don't have a girlfriend, but you just shrug and say that you've never found anyone that seems right. At one point he is ridiculously interested in your love life and wants to set you up with this and that girl, but every time you deny it and tell that you're completely happy without a girlfriend. You push your thoughts aside and try not to take a deep look at him and wonder why is he exactly interested in your love life in the first place, but you already know the answer, and so does he.

"Hey, Kyle," he says when the party has died out and everyone has already left. Only you two are still present at Kenny's house, and sit in a broken sofa and drink the last of your beers. You know that you are both a little drunk, and you also know that he is now going to ask you something he wouldn't normally dare ask. "I was... just... wond'ring... Why didn't you go out with that blonde girl who asked you last week? She's had a crush on you since god knows how long, and you knew it, didn't ya?"

You look at him, and when you notice the way he furrows his brows and the way his hides his eyes behind his pitch-black bangs, you realise that he already knows. "For the same reason you keep breakin' up with your girlfriends."

You look at him, and he looks at you, and suddenly everything else disappears around you. There is no one else in the world but him and you, and you immediately know that this is the way it's always meant to be. He stares at you, then nods, and you nod too, but you do nothing, since you are both too young. You merely turn back to your drink and finish it, and then you get up and leave, because you know that it's too early.

* * *

_Not yet.  
Not in a while._

* * *

The years pass swiftly – though not without trouble, since South Park is never a normal town and is never going to be – and suddenly you all are graduating and life is awaiting. You have decided to study philosophy, even if you know that your choice will be a disappointment to your parents, and you know that this is the moment when those four roads going forward side by side have suddenly come to a crossroad. You know that his path is going to be different, and you know that Kenny's and Cartman's are going to be different too. You know that you will miss them, but you refuse to show it. 

"We all will end up at South Park once again, anyway," Kenny says and smiles coldly. You know exactly what he means, but you're not ready to accept it just yet. "This place is cursed, in its own way... It calls for trouble. It calls for attention. It calls for us. No one can never truly leave South Park. It will always find a way to turn and twist our ways so that we'll have, we'll just _have_ to go back..."

"Wow, Kenny," you say with dripping sarcasm, since you are irritated and desperate to think that this is the moment when you have to give up on Stan, "perhaps _you_ should've been to one to study philosophy."

"I don't need to spend my days thinking what hell and heaven could theoretically mean," Kenny replies, smirking, "I've already been there. I know very concretely what kind of concepts they are."

You burst out laughing, but your laughter turns into a sobbing, and your sobbing turns into a river of tears. Kenny hugs you, and you hug him, and you are suddenly very glad that you let him in that one time.

* * *

"I'll see you in a week," Stan says and waves. His bus is leaving, and he has to step on it right now, but you see that he can't just yet, and likewise you can't leave him just yet.

"Yeah. I'll see you," you say, all emotions gone long ago. You know he is lying, and so are you. You just can't put any emotion to your speak anymore – it would just end up with you crying again. Stan hugs you quickly, and then he gets on the bus.

It drives away.

You sigh, but you know that it's the right thing to do. It's not yet the time.

* * *

_Not yet, it whispers.  
Not yet._

* * *

It takes a very long time before you even consider taking the next step – the next stage is a very scary one, the one with dwelling emotions and backstabbing thoughts. You do it anyway, because you know that your time is slowly running out. 

You get yourself a profession. You become a scientist like you always wanted, and you now have the right to interfere in people's faiths and morals and lifestyles. You have your own apartment, you have your very own income, your own life. You occasionally drink to forget it all, you work like a workaholic, you date all types to get back your lost teenage years. Women, men, heterosexuals, homosexuals, transsexuals, you try them all. You see the top of the world and come crumbling down and get back to the base, and all the while you know that the time is nearing.

One day you just realise it's the time. You pack your things and drive back to your hometown, your very own quiet mountain town. You see Kenny there, and you aren't surprised to learn that he never moved out of town. He has become a psychiatrist, and in South Park there truly is a need for one. You inquire how Cartman is doing, since you've never heard anything about him – apparently he didn't become a crazy cult-leader or a new Hitler, because you would've heard – and Kenny sighs and tells you that Cartman is in mental hospital and will be forever, after the attempts to kill his mother and half the town. You aren't surprised at this, but you are a bit sad. Maybe he wasn't the best of kids, but you always supposed that he, if no one else, could make it.

You know that Stan is in town, but you ask about him anyway. Kenny finds it very odd that you haven't been in contact with him for a year, but you just shrug and tell that you both needed a little time away from each other. Kenny eyes you suspiciously, but lets it drop. Then he says that Stan is right now at the elementary, teaching physical education to children. You smile at this.

* * *

"You're back," he states when you near him. You shrug and smile at him, and he smiles right back. The football team finishes their practice and you are left in the field with him. 

"How are you?" he asks, and you just need to look at those strangely blue eyes to know that he is ready, and knows that you are too. You smile.

"Fine."

You stare at him a while, and he stares back, and then you simply take a step forward and gently press your lips against his. He is surprised, but answers right away, and that's all it takes.

Later that night, when you have walked for hours in your hometown and found a peaceful place by the lake, you remember Kenny's words and smile suddenly. He looks you funnily, and you explain:

"It's just like Kenny once said... We all end up in South Park anyway."

"I know," he answers. "This town... It's like it has a mind of its own." He looks up at the moon and stars and sighs. "Like it always has a definite plan for each of us."

You look at the sky too, and nod. You don't know if it really is South Park, or is there a thing called fate, or even God, but all in all you know for sure that you and him are designed to be together, meant to be from the start to the end, and there is no escaping it. Whether it was fate or God or South Park itself that decided to cross yours and Stan Marsh's paths, you don't care.

* * *

_It's time._

* * *

It starts with mistrust and ends with the state of definitive trust. It's a fate you can't escape – he will always be there, just like you will always be there for him – but you are neither sad nor shocked at the truth. It's just like it ever was; he is your world and you are his, and that is all.

* * *


End file.
